On Kämpfer – A letter to that bitch, Sakura

Dear Sakura,

Under normal circumstances, you would’ve easily won me over. As you might have already realized, you are one of those girls at least half of your co-ed population (called males) would kill each other for just to be within your proximity. Of course, it’s no surprise considering how cute you are. Unfortunately for you as well as that Natsuru guy you unawaringly trample and put on the spot over-and-over, not even your charms can match up your rotten core.

We understand you’re lesbian and we dudes are alright with that, even more so taking into consideration how a good 50% of your academia swing that way anyway. It is not the matter of your preference of gender that makes you rotten; they are instead those petty misdemeanors (though by themselves are otherwise tolerable) that when accumulated, gives you your deserving right to be called, ‘Bitch of the season.’

You might be asking under what circumstances am I making these accusations? Well… there’s a couple.

1. You’re one greedy and lying slut

You were well aware that the same chick who saved your ass on the streets who happened to transfer to your school will be eye candy to the rest of the academy’s lesbian population. So what did you do instead of waiting patiently for an opportune time to give your gratitude? You stormed into a classroom you do not belong to, lied to everyone so can  solely acquire the custody of the Natsuru girl just so you can ask her out. DID YOU EVEN SAY THANK YOU?! Tsk…tsk..tsk…That’s foulplay, girl.

2. You dare to interfere an ongoing relationship on the premise of a misconception

Girl, don’t go making assumptions that the Natsuru guy is cheating on the Natsuru girl just because you saw him on top of that Akane chic. While I completely understand the what you’re going through, declaring rivalry on a guy that’s already going out with a girl doesn’t make any sense. What part of ‘going out’ do you not get?! It means you lost already. Jeezuz…seriously.

3. Your chest

a) Delicious Flat Chest – DO WANT

b) Big ROUNDED Bewbies – DO WANT

c) Big POINTED Bewbies – DO NOT WANT

Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? Guess which one you have. Oh wait, never mind; apparently, everyone has pointed boobies in the ED sequence.

—

Look, there’s no easy way to say this but unless you change for the better, you’re going to remain,’Bitch of the Season.’ Then again, you’re the first one in your class since I don’t usually do this to girls. Ah well, the choice is yours.

Sincerely,

A ranting fanboy

Tagged as: Fail, Fanservice, lolwut, Nosebleed, Totally Nonsensical